yesterday....

yesterday was, in a word, horrible.  sorry for the lack of post...  i passed out at school in the afternoon, i believe due to just plain not drinking enough of the master cleanse lemonade (c'mon, it has a crap ton of sugar).  I had to make a great show of then eating dinner, etc because people keep commenting on how skinny i'm getting and then with the passing out, well, you know.  it sucks.  i'm gonna have to try something else i think.  anyone have any good ideas?

starting the master cleanse today.  we'll see how that goes.  i hope its okay, gonna be tough, but hey, at least i don't have to make excuses for why i'm not eating.  i'll keep you all updated on how its going.  wish me luck...

~Shay

lunch time... i'm hiding out in my room while they all get fat at the dining hall.  i'm so hungry but oh well... how are you all doing?

long day at school today.  had another 2 hour study hall tonight and i'm beat.  now we have another one on saturday to get ready for out test next week.  i'm spent.  this means i won't be able to see the bf again... :-(  

did okay with staying in range with food today, just a fiber 1 bar and a couple of quaker mini rice cakes.  starting to feel better after being an obnoxious fat cow yesterday.   i'm depressed as hell though cuz i can't sleep over at the bf's during the week anymore.  he lives too far from school and with all these study halls, i don't have a choice but to stay in the dorms.  shame. sex is a good workout and i miss him.

ah well, another bump in the road.  i'm exhausted.  stay strong...

~Shay

rough day so far...

so its a rough day so far.  only one of those fiber one bars for breakfast and its already lunch time.  no lunch today, i am way to much of a fat cow for that.  i feel like i'm flying though...i dunno if you know what i mean but i feel extra alert.  hope y'all out there are doing okay today.  its all dark and gray here today, kinda like my mood, but eh, hopefully that'll improve :-(  til' later...

~Shay

oh my God...

i am a fat, disgusting piece of crap. 800 friggin' calories today.  i want to die.  i feel so bloated...

it all started this weekend when i saw the bf.  he said i was looking too skinny and then i had to go and be a dumbass and pass out in front of him. you know when u stand up too quick and then all of a sudden its all stars, then black?  yeah...

so now he's being all chivilrous and trying to make me eat.  he left food in my car at school today cuz' i had a 6-9 study hall tonight (after a 7 hour class day...).  i think it was cuz i was so tired, my self control was lacking majorly.  i am a piece of shit.  i lost 8 damn pounds and i'm throwing it away because i'm tired?!! 

well i better at least try to sleep now, more self control should emerge tomorrow... i hope.

a thought...

is it bad that i saw a girl in my class eating a candy bar today and felt kinda good that it wasn't me?